Wilson and Watson: A How to Guide for AntiHeroism
by CrosserX
Summary: Meet Abby Watson. Cousin of Mary-Jane Watson. Abby has a minimum wage job, a jerk of a boss, and a crazed killer after her. Meet Deadpool. Deadpool is a Merc-gone-detective, doing some odd jobs on the side. Like protecting Abby Wilson from a crazed killer. What more do you want? Guest starring Spider-Man, Wolverine, and the rest of the Avengers! Yahootie!
1. From Minimum Wage to Zero

"Abby, get your lazy ass off that chair and get to work!"

Abigail Watson sighed. Her boss, Jake, was a hard-ass pervert. She stood, running her hand through her short, red hair. Abby had striking blue eyes, dark red hair cut close to her head, and a slim build. She grabbed her notebook and walked around the counter into the diner where she worked, unhappily.

"What can I get you?" She asked an older scruffy man.

"A piece of you, honey."

"I'm gay."

"You young people."

She took his order, and went back to the counter. "You really queer?" Jake asked. "Can I watch?"

"No. And no. Take a hike." Her cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Abby, it's the bestest cousin in the world!"

"Kim?"

"Ha-ha."

Abby smiled. Her cousin and best friend, Mary Jane Watson, called her often - especially when she got bored.

"Watcha up too?" Abby asked, serving Logan, a frequent there, and some other people at the counter.

"Nothing much. Pete went out with some friends, leaving me by my lonesome."

"Men are jerks."

"Tell me about it."

Logan snorted.

"Hey, I'll call you back later, on break. Love ya." She hung up, and leaned across from Logan. "How's it goin?"

"It's going," he grunted. "How ya doing, Abby?"

"You know. Same old." About a year ago, Logan and Abby had hooked up for a night. After they got over the embarrassment the next morning, they became good friends. Logan was handsome in that gruff sort of way, though he was a little short and he had some intense sideburns – but he just wasn't Abby Watson Boyfriend material.

"How are things going between you and your lady friend . . .?" Abby started.

One thing Logan liked to talk about was a girl he knew – one of the only things personal things he _would_ talk about. Abby knew a handful of things about him – he was a mutant, though she didn't know what he could do; he was in love with a girl who was married to Logans frennime, a guy named Summers; and that Logan had a no-bull attitude.

"The same old. I reckon it's been a bit better."

"You know, you've been coming in here for over a year," Abby said. "When are you going to bring her here?"

"I dunno. Maybe one day."

"I might not like her."

"Jealous?"

"She can get her own man-wolf friend!"

Logan laughed. "Boy do you know how to cheer a guy up when he's down, Abby."

"Hey," she grinned, patting his hand. "What are friends for?"

Logan cell rang, and he answered. "What? Yeah. Around here?" He looked out the window, his eyes landing on a business man sitting on a bench, reading a paper. "Yeah, I can see him. Want me to . . . talk to him?" He said, his eyes darting to Abby. "Fine. Wait, what? Wade? You're sending in freaking WADE? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Abby looked away from Logan as the bell above the door rang. He was tall, probably 6'2, and his whole body was covered in a red-and-black spandex suit, completed with a mask. He had guns holstered at his side, and two swords on his back.

Logan hung up as the strange man sat down at the counter, examining the menu.

"Um - can I get you something?" Abby asked.

He looked up at Abby, sizing her up. "Do you serve chimichangas?"

"Uh, no."

"Damn it all! I want a burrito, then."

Abby wrote that down. "Drink?"

"Do you have Yoo-Hoos?"

"Yep."

"Score! I'll take four."

Logan glared at the man in spandex, then looked back at Abby. "I'll see you around." He looked at the guy, the back at Abby again. "And let me know if you have any trouble."

"Thanks, I will," said the Spandex-Guy without looking up.

"I was talking to her," Logan growled, before turning and leaving.

Abby served the strange man his yoo-hoos, and examined him. "The spandex is kinda outdated, dotcha think?" She asked, leaning against the counter.

He slammed down an empty yoo-hoo bottle. "Yeah, but it gets the job done. Hey, you know Abby Watson?"

"You're lookin' at her, buster."

"Yeah?" He looked her up and down. "You know you have a crazed killer after you?"

"Coming from the guy in spandex and swords? Yeah, of course."

"Seriously. I was hired to protect you."

"That's sweet of you."

"I'm a sweet guy."

The bell rang on the door, and the business man Logan had seen entered. He had a serious expression, and he looked around, coming to the counter. He looked at the man in spandex, then looked at Abby.

"Are you by chance Abigail Watson?"

"Who wants to know?"

Spandex-Guy snorted, and the serious guy frowned.

"Me."

"Good for you."

"Hey, Norman," Spandex-Guy said. "Back off, man. I got here first."

"You know, Deadpool, I would really like to stab you right now."

"Take it outside, boys," Abby said, wiping the counter.

Deadpool gazed at her. "You're so uncaring and mean. Will you marry me?"

"You know I'll be back," Said Norman.

Deadpool toasted him a Yoo-hoo. "I'll be waiting, Green-Boy."


	2. The Poor Little Orphan Girl

"Listen - it's Deadpool, right?" Abby put her hands on her hips.

"Yepp," he said. "But you can call me Wade."

"Wade," She said. "No crazed killer is after me, ok? You've been here four hours - loitering is frowned upon by my jackass boss."

"Why aren't you creeped out by my hero-clothes?"

She shrugged. "You see a lotta freaks round here. It's New York, right?"

"You are perfect."

"I've been told."

Her phone rang, and she answered. "Hello?"

"I have your cousin Mary-Jane. If you every want to see her again, you will give me a bajillion or so dollars and clean my house."

"A shiny new dime and a feather duster."

"That'll do."

"Anyway, hi, Peter. I'm fine, and you?"

Peter, Mary Janes husband, loved to prank call her. She learned to expect it.

"Listen, I wanted to call and tell you to not be alarmed by the guy following you."

"You know this clown?"

There was a crash, and the building started to shake. Abby screamed, dropping her phone as the ceiling collapsed. Someone grabbed her, pushing her to the ground - Wade was on top of her.

"Stay still!" He commanded.

She closed her eyes, feeling the building falling around them. There was a groan from Wade, and the debris stopped falling - there was barley anything left of the building. She looked at Wade and gasped - a long, jagged piece of wood was sticking through his chest.

"Oh my God," She said as he rolled off of her. "Oh shit, oh God, oh NO!"

"Don't worry about it," he groaned, reaching to pull it out.

She slapped his hand. "Don't pull it out! Thats how Steve Irwin died, you idiot!"

She reached for his mask, and he grabbed her hands. "No," he said sternly. "You just can't."

"Don't be dumb," she snapped, yanking his mask off.

Her eyes widened, and she sat back in shock. "Oh, your poor . . . " She trailed off, looking at his scared face and blue eyes. She suddenly jerked with pain as something hit her in the back, and her world went dark.

"I think I might have killed him. Will Tony be mad?" Wades voice.

"If he had to be neutrualized - I just don't understand. What does the Goblin want with Abby?" Peters voice.

"The who?" Abby groaned as she sat up, rubbing her head. She looked at Peter, then chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

He was in his Spider-Man outfit, minus the mask - Deadpool stood next to him, with mask but minus a large piece of wood in his chest.

"How long was I out?" Abby asked.

"Four, five hours," MJ said, coming from the kitchen. She handed Abby a cup of tea.

"The Goblin knocked you unconscious," Peter said. "Deadpool took care of him."

"Thanks," Abby told Deadpool. "What the hell happened to your face?"

Deadpool chuckled. "Lil' bit of everything, doll."

"Alright," Abby groaned. "So who wants to explain first?"

"We could if we knew what to explain," said someone coming in the door.

Abby choked on her tea. "Oh – oh my God!" She coughed. "You – You're – Oh my God."

He smiled. "Captain America, at your service."

"Hold on," Abby said, taking a picture with her cell phone. "I have to twitter this. Can I twitter this?"

Deadpool beamed. "She's so sarcastic and neurotic. It's so nice."

"Seriously, though," Abby said. "I was just attacked by the Green Goblin – probably because my loser cousin-in-law is freaking Spiderman – and I've been followed around by a guy in spandex before the . . . diner exploded . . ." She trailed off, and then groaned. "I am so fired!"

"We have to keep her somewhere safe," Captain America said. "I was thinking she could stay with one of the Avengers – maybe Jessica?"

"She could go with Wolverine to the X Mansion," Peter suggested.

Captain America shook his head. "No, that would be endangering the students."

"I'll take her in," Deadpool piped up.

"I feel like the kid at the orphanage nobody likes," Abby groaned.

"Deadpool could keep her safe," Peter pointed out.

Captain America nodded. "And nobody really knows where he lives anyway. To Wades, then."

Abby laid her head against MJ's shoulder. "Now I feel like the kid at the orphanage nobody likes, so they give her to the psychopath."

Deadpool just beamed. "We're gunna have fun, Red!"


	3. Wade Has a Nose Bleed

Abby plugged the key into her lock, and pushed the door open to her apartment.

"Wait!" Deadpool said. "Let me go first." He went in and stood there for a few seconds. Abby crossed her arms. "It's ok," Deadpool said. Abby rolled her eyes, pressing past him. She headed to her bedroom, where she started shoving her clothing into an old leather bag. She went to the bathroom.

". . . and we can watch movies, and stay up late, and braid each other's hair, and talk about boys!" Wade squealed. "We're going to have so much fun, roomie!"

"Here," Abby said, tossing him a box of tampons. "Put those in the bag."

"Oooh, what do these do?"

Abby rolled her eyes, grabbing her toothbrush and hair brush, then grabbing her shampoo and conditioner. She went back into the bedroom, and stopped. Wade had pulled his mask up, and had a tampon up his nose. "Heh," he said. "Nose bleed."

As hard as she tried, Abby couldn't hold back her smiled. She put the rest of her things in her bag, grinning.

* * *

Wades place was a small, little brick house crammed next to identical ones. It reminded Abby of Peters Aunt Mays house, small and cozy. It was one story, with two bedrooms, a bathroom, a small kitchen/dining room, and a living room. The living room had a hand-me-down couch and non-matching chair, with a TV with foil wrapped around in antennae.

"Home sweet home," Wade said, tossing his swords on the sofa. Abby went to the small kitchen, opening the fridge. Half of it was filled with beer, carry-out pizza and Chinese boxes, and cheese. The other half was filled with Yoo-Hoos.

"You like Yoo-Hoo's, huh?"

"What, are you kidding? They're amazing!" He called.

"It's chocolate water!"

"I like chocolate, and I like water. So there."

Abby went back to the living room. "Do you always keep your mask on?"

"Pretty much. I bathe without it. And sometimes sleep without it."

"Good." She turned around and crossed her arms. "So take it off."

"Come again?"

"You heard me. Take the mask off."

"No thanks."

"Take. It. Off. Now."

Wade paused, then pulled the mask off and shrugged. "Nothing to see."

Abby examined him with a furrowed eyebrow, then approached and walked a circle around him. She pulled his shirt up to find the rest of his body scarred. Then she touched the side of his face, running her fingers over the tissue. Then she shrugged.

"So what's wrong with it?" She asked.

He laughed. "I am going to _love_ having you around." He tossed the mask down next to his swords.

Abbys phone rang, and she answered. "Hello?"

"What the hell happened to the diner?"

"Hi, Logan. It's nice to talk to you, too. I'm fine thanks."

"Alright, alright. Where are ya?"

"Where am I?" Abby looked at Wade, who shook his head. "I'm at a friend's house."

"OK. I'll call you back in a bit, I'm pulling into the driveway of a friends house myself."

"Copycat."

"Bye, Abby."

"Bye Logan."

Abby hung her phone up, and someone knocked on the door. She looked at Wade, who ignored it, watching his fuzzy TV. The knock got louder. "Wade!" Someone called.

Wade still ignored it.

Finally, there was a sharp noise, and the lock turned. The door was open, and Wade stood up. "Stop breaking into my house, you hairy runt!" He shouted, grabbing a sword.

"What the hell?" Abby said, jumping back. "That's Wolverine! Wolverine just broke into your house!"

Wolverine glanced at Abby, then at Wade, who he growled at. "You son of a bitch," he said, picking Wade up by the shirt.

"I just had this dry-cleaned!" Said Wade. "Don't slash it!"

"Stop!" Abby yelled, holding one of Wades guns up and pointing it at Wolverine.

Wolverine put Wade on the ground, and turned towards Abby. "Abby, put that gun down."

"How do you know my name?"

"Abby . . ."

"Hi-ya!" Wade kicked Wolverine in the chest. Wolverine went flying backwards, before standing again.

"You? Why you? Why couldn't she stay with Cap, or Stark? Huh? With you, she'll be killed!"

"Hey!" Wade said, shoving him. "I'm just as much a hero as you, asshole!"

"Hero? You?"

". . . maybe not a hero, but I have the costume!"

"Someone tell me what's going on, or I'll shoot!" Abby yelled.

Wolverine stepped away.

"Take your mask off," Abby demanded.

"Abby, you ain't gonna like whatcha see."

"Take the damn mask off, now!"

He sighed, pulling the mask over his head.

Abby dropped the gun. "Ohmigod," she said. "Logan?"

"Surprise!" Deadpool yelled.

"I can explain," Logan said. "But it's a long story."

Abby crossed her arms, waiting.

"I'm an X-Man and an Avenger. Huh, I guess it's not that long of a story."

"Is there anybody else in my life that's secretly a superhero?"

"The girl I told you about, Jean? She is too."

"Of course she it."

"And Emma."

"Who the hell is Emma?"

"The other woman."

"You're doing Emma?" Deadpools mouth gaped open. "You _dog!_"

Logan shoved him, not gently. "It's complicated."

Abby sat down on the couch. "I just don't understand why I'm just now finding out about –" She was cut off by her cell ringing.

"Hello?" She said, holding her finger up to Wade and Logan.

"Hi!" Chirped a perky voice. "This is Amy James, from McKenney High School. I'm calling to confirm your interview for tomorrow."

"Oh!" Abby said. "Wow, I completely forgot."

"If you'd like to reschedule . . .?"

"No, I'll be there. Thanks for calling."

Abby hung up. "You two boys have fun. I'm going to pick out an outfit."

"For what?" They both said.

"I have an interview tomorrow. Relax, kids. It's the same school Pete teaches at."


	4. Wade Makes PeePee in His Spandex

Abby entered McKenney High School the next morning, smiling at the secretary. "Hi, I'm Abigail Watson, here for the interview."

The secretary looked over Abbys shoulder suspiciously. "And who's this?"

Abby sighed. "This is Mister Wilson. He's a mentally challenged cousin of mine, and he doesn't like being left alone."

"I see . . . well, take a seat right over there, and I'll call you when Mr. Anderson is ready for you."

Abby nodded, sitting next to Deadpool. A moment later, the office door opened, and Peter came in. "Amy, can you make some copies for me?"

Abby kicked him in the back of the leg, and he spun around.

"Jeez!" Peter said. "That hurt, Abby!"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize you whatsoever."

"Sure." Amy handed him the papers. He nodded to Abby. "Good luck. The last English Lit teacher had a nervous breakdown and bit a student." And he left.

"DO NOT BITE ANYONE!" Deadpool yelled loudly.

"Mentally challenged," Abby said to a suspicious Amy. "What to do, what to do."

Amy frowned. "Mr. Anderson is ready for you."

As Abby was in her interview, Wade twiddled his thumbs, then flapped his gums. When the secretary wasn't looking, Wade dumped some water on his pants. "Uh-oh!" He said. "Wade made peepee in his spandex! Wade better go to potty." Wade stood and walked out of the office, towards the bathroom, before ducking around the corner. He found Peters class room and smiled. The kids in his class looked _so bored! _Wade _needed_ to entertain them. While Peter had his back turned, Wade snuck into the class room. A few students looked at him funny, and Wade ducked behind a cabinet as Peter turned around.

"Now, as I was saying – the correct term for this is Dred Scott v Sanford, in which a slave under the name of Dred Scott sued for his freedom after his master died. In the end, he lost the case, because at the time blacks were not considered citizens, but property."

"Could you tell that to my girlfriend?" said a tall, black boy in the back, and everyone laughed.

Peter smiled and turned back around, and Wade threw a balled up piece of paper at his head. Peter spun around, stared down a kid in the first row, then turned around.

Wade threw a paper airplane at the back of his head.

Peter turned and glared at the kid again. He turned.

Wade threw a stapler at the back of his head.

Peter spun around again. "Hey, enough!"

Wade threw a recycling bin at his face.

The whole class laughed, and Peter rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't you be somewhere else?" He said. "As in, anywhere else?"

"Nah," Wade said, sitting down in a desk and propping his feet up. "Hey, lets talk about something not totally boring."

"Sorry, class," Peter said. "This is my wife's cousin's cousin. He's messed up in the head."

Abby opened the classroom door. "There you are, Wade! I heard you made a mess in your pants."

The class laughed.

"Oh, and Peter, I brought your ointment," Abby said. "Does it still itch real bad?"

"What is this?" Peter asked. "Bug Peter Parker Day? Class, this is my wifes cousin, and I'm assuming your new English teacher?"

"Yeah," Abby said. "I got the gig."

"Congrats," said Peter. "Now get out so I can teach."

* * *

"Why do you want to be a teacher, anyway?" Wade asked that evening from the couch.

Abby took the popcorn out of the microwave and sat down next to him. "I dunno. I like English. Classic Lit, too."

Wade took a fistful of popcorn. "Huh."

"Why do you want to be a mercenary?" asked Abby.

"It's what I do best, I guess."

"Does it bother you?"

"Sometimes, a lot. I haven't been doing a lot of Merc work lately, though. I've been doing a lot of detective work."

"That's nifty."

"I know right?"

Abby chewed some popcorn thoughtfully. "So, your face?"

"Can't die, but I can get hurt. It sucks, too, my whole body is like a self healing scar. Makes people mouth puke."

Abby smiled. "I don't think it's that bad."

He shrugged and drank some beer. All the sudden, a beeping noise came on a machine in the corner.

"This is Iron Man, Avengers Assemble – Downtown Queens. Spider-Man and Luke to Uptown, Spider-Woman and Cap to downtown. Wolverine and Echo, to me. Sentry, get airborne."

"A scanner for superheroes?" Abby asked.

Wade shrugged. "Something new Tony designed. He's kinda a genius and all that."

"I see."

They were silent for a few minutes, and the scanner came back on. "This is Iron Man, requesting immediate back-up from the X-Men."

"This is Shadowcat, request granted, we're on our way."

"This is Emma Frost, this device is stupid."

"This is Iron Man again, your Cerebro device is stupid."

"This is Emma again, you could just call us."

"This is Iron Man again, you could just kiss my –"

And with that, Wade shot the scanner.

Abby stared at him. "What was that?"

"I was bored!"

Abby shook her head. "You're a piece of work."

"I've actually been told that once or twice."


	5. Hero School

Abby slammed down a pile of books on her desk.

She looked around her new class room, at the high schoolers looking at her. She put her hands on her hips and walked around. She pointed at five different kids. "You, you, you, you and . . . you. Up front."

The kids looked confused, but went and stood in front of the class.

"Write your names on the board."

They did as they were told, and then turned back to Abby.

"William Shakespeare," she said. "What did he write?"

"_Romeo and Juliet?"_ said the girl up there.

"Good," she said. "Put a point under your name. What else did he write?"

"_Julius Caesar_," said a boy matter of factually.

"Good, good. Point for you. Hmm . . . _The Witch of Blackbird Pond_?"

The class continued like this for a while, until an uppity looking girl in the first row raised her hand. "Are we just playing games in class?"

Abby raised an eyebrow. "Would you rather be doing book work?"

The girl sat up straighter. "It would help us prepare for more tests."

"I'm not usually the test giving type, but . . ." She looked around the room. "Just because of her we'll have a 50 question test with a written essay tomorrow."

The class groaned and moaned, and Abby smiled. "Just kidding!"

They all laughed, and Abby leaned against her desk. "Seriously, though. Be prepared to start reading _Much Ado About Nothing_ tomorrow."

The bell rang, and as the class flooded out, Peter jogged in. He shut the door behind him and pulled the blinds down. Then he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Buy a girl a drink first," Abby said, crossing her arms and leaning against the chalkboard.

"Ha," Peter said, ripping his pants off, revealing his Spider-Man suit. He took his clothes and shoved them into Abby's bottom desk drawer.

"Where are you going?" Abby asked.

"Downtown," Pete said. "Doc Ock is causing trouble. Listen, I need you to cover my last class, 'kay?"

"What?"

"I left them a note, they'll come here. Just make them read a book, or something. Noelle is down the hall and to the left if you need her." *******

There was a knock on the door, and Peter pulled his mask on and opened the window, swinging away.

Abby sighed and opened the door, letting her class and Peters flood her room.

"Wheres Mr. Parker?" One of his students asked.

"Family emergency," Abby said.

"But . . . aren't you his wife's cousin?"

Abby blinked. _Damn kids_. "I don't _like_ this particular family member."

At that moment, there was an explosion. Abby was thrown back against the wall.

Dazed, she blinked open her eyes, and she coughed. Rubble and dust filled the air, and Abby straightened herself up. "Out!" She yelled at her students. "Get out!"

They did as they were told, some screaming and running from the room.

A tall, blonde teacher shoved her way through the wave of students and slid to a stop in the classroom. "What's going on?"

"I don't know!" Abby said. "The wall blew up."

"Ah, you've got to be kidding me," the teacher said, shrugging her jacket off and rolling her sleeves up. "Right in the middle of a test. This is just fantastic."

"You must be Noelle."

"Yeah. You must be Abby." Noelle turned as something landed at her feet. Frowning, she picked it up. It was beeping and blinking. "Aw, sh-"

It exploded, and Noelle was thrown backwards with such force that she went through the wall.

"Oh my God . . ." Abby scrambled backwards as the dust cleared, and a long, psychotic laugh rang out.

Abby squinted and shielded her eyes from the sun with her arm. A green figure loomed in front of her; it threw something, and it rolled towards Abby, some kind of powder was coming out of it.

* * *

Mary Jane shoved the door to Wilson Detective Agency open. "You son of a bitch," she said, shoving the lamp on Wade's desk over.

Wade frowned at his desk. "Uh, yeah, I just cleaned in here."

"Do you know what happened today, Wade?" MJ asked, planting both hands flat on his desk. "The Green Goblin got Abby. At school. You're _supposed_ to be watching her!"

"What about Peter? And Noelle?"

"Peter got called away on a wild goose chase to distract him from Abby, and Noelle is being removed from a wall right now!"

MJ started pacing. "God only knows what that sick bastard is doing to her right now. He could be torturing her!" She wrapped her arms around herself. "I can't even imagine what kind of hellhole he has her locked up in . . ."

* * *

Abby opened her eyes, gasping. Her head spun for a moment from sitting up so fast.

She looked around. She was in a huge, feather bed, surrounded with cushy pillows and a soft down comforter. The room she was in had a beautiful antique desk and bookshelf, and was painted a light mint green with a white polished floor.

Sitting up, Abby bid her head to stop spinning. Finally, she stood, and shakily walked to the door.

It was unlocked, and she stumbled out into the hallway. She made her way to a lovely living room, but she couldn't make it any further. Her knees shaking, she collapsed onto the white leather couch.

"Headache, Miss Watson?"

Abby slowly looked up, and saw a face looming over her. She recognized the face as Norman Osbourne.

"What, do you want?" she breathed.

"I must apologize for your current state," he said as he sat across from her. "I had to put you to sleep. Don't want you seeing where we are."

"I can barley see anything." Abby lifted her hand to rub at the blurriness in her eyes, but the action proved to much. Her hand fell back beside her.

Norman chuckled. "I may have sprayed you with too much."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Let me explain. I have had a problem with the Spider-Man since . . . well, a very long time. I've wanted to create something, something that would be able to hurt him without him hurting them back. The obvious choice was your cousin Mary-Jane. But she's far too weak. She would never make it through the transformation. But you, you're much stronger than her. You could defeat Peter Parker, with my help." He leaned down in front of her, holding a syringe full of a green liquid. "I'm going to inject you with this new serum I have developed. It will give you the powers you'll need to defeat Spider-Man. After I'm sure your powers will work, we'll have to . . . well, work some things in your mind. New concepts, things like that."

"I hope that you choke and die."

"Now, is that polite?"

He removed the cap from the syringe. "Now, hold still. This will probably sting a good bit."

"Physician, heal thyself!" Norman was suddenly thrown across the room. Deadpool stood there, a bazooka in his hand.

"Are you alright?" Deadpool asked.

"No!"

"Good." He picked her up and spun around, running for the door.

There was an angry yell from Osborne, and then Deadpool felt Abbys body jerk.

"Abby?" He said as he ran from the building. "Abby, what's wrong?"

"My back. My back is on fire."

"What? Why?" He jumped rooftops until he was at the Avengers Tower, where he dropped down through a shaft and into the living room.

"Wade? Wade, my back! My back!"

Wade shook his head and turned her on her stomach on the couch. "Sweet salami on a stick."

"Master Wilson?" Jarvis asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Would I be talking about sweet salami if it was?"

He pulled his mask off, and Jarvis looked away.

The syringe Osborne had had in his hand was in Abbys back.

He plucked it out, and Abby screamed.

"What's going on in here?" Peter, MJ, Tony, Steve, and Jessica all ran from their bedrooms in their night clothes.

"Oh my God," MJ said, dropping down beside Abby. "Oh God. Pete, she's burning up. We need a doctor. Someone call Hank McCoy!"

"I'll get him," Steve said, running off.

"Abby? What happened?" MJ asked.

"This happened!" Deadpool held up the syringe.

"What is that?" Tony asked.

"Some kind of super serum. He injected her with it."

"Is she going to be okay?" MJ asked.

"I don't know," said Tony. "I need to analyze it as soon as possible. Jarvis, take this down to the lab for me please."

"Yes, sir."

"Abby?" MJ said. "Can you hear me?"

"I'm in pain, I'm not deaf."

"Well, at least she's still acting like herself," Peter grinned.

***** Read about Noelle a.k.a. Shadowshine in my Daredevil fanfic "Shadows Shine on the Devil".**


	6. Barfing and snuggling

"Deadpool!" There was knocking on the door. "Deadpool! _Wilson_!"

Sighing angrily, Abby sat up, her head dizzy for a second. Then she slowly made her way the the door of Wade's house, and yanked it open. "_What_?"

A woman with short brown hair stood in front of her, in a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform. She looked slightly taken aback when Abby answered the door; Abby didn't blame her. She was wearing a fuzzy blue bathrobe over her silk pajama set. She had socks and bunny slippers on her feet. Her hair hadn't been done in days, and she was shivering.

"Uh," the woman in front of her said. "Is Deadpool around?"

Abby glared for a second, then yelled "Wade!"

Wade came down the stairs, in nothing but a towl and his mask. "Oh, hey Maria. Finally come around? Go on upstairs, babe, and I'll be right up."

Maria sneered and entered the house, placing her hands on her hips.

"Come on in," Abby muttered, closing the door behind them. Rubbing her eyes, she plopped back down on the couch.

"Wilson, we need you at the Helicarrier ASAP," Maria said.

"No can do, Hill," Wade said. "I'm babysitting."

"What?"

"Her. On the couch."

Hill looked at Abby, who gave a sarcastic finger wave before going into a coughing fit.

Hill looked disgusted.

"You owe us, Wilson," she said.

"Can I owe you later? I'm kinda busy."

With a glare at both of them, Hill turned and left.

A few minutes later, Wade came downstairs in his spandex and sat on the couch next to Abby.

"How ya feelin', Red?"

"Like hammered shit."

"That's nice."

Abby blew her nose and coughed. "I've got a cold."

"Uh-huh."

"Yesterday, I flew."

"Really?"

"Well, it was more of a hover; only about three feet off the couch, and it only lasted about ten seconds. Osborne injected me with some crazy stuff."

"Tony says you're going to get superpowers."

"Great."

"OMG, you could be my sidekick!" Wade giggled and shook.

"A-A-A . . . ACHOO!"

Abby sneezed, and Wade's television was knocked backwards.

"Gross," Wade said. "Super sneeze."

"Sorry."

Wade got up and righted his television.

"So what's S.H.I.E.L.D. want with you?" Abby asked.

"I kinda broke their Hellicarrier."

"Pardon?"

"It was Weasel's fault, really. He bet me fifty bucks I couldn't stop their engines, let them free fall a few secs, and then restart it."

"Did you?"

"Yep! Right before we hit the ocean! Anyway, good 'ol Nick was pretty POed, so apparently, they want to cash in on me for endangering their lives, yaddayaddayadda."

"Any news on Osborne?"

"Nothin'. He's sneakier than that metaphor that went right under my nose. Damn, it was a good one, too."

"Do you think I'll turn green like the Hulk?"

"Have you been exposed to Gamma Rays lately?"

"I dunno."

"I don't think you will."

"What about the X-Men? Will I turn scaley or something?"

"Doubtful. See, I'm a mutant. You have been exposed to junk. Totally different things."

"Do you technically count as a mutant?"

He sat up straighter. "I like to think so."

Abby smiled and tilted her head at him as he chugged a YooHoo. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and looked at Abby. "What?"

"Take your mask off."

"It is."

"All the way." Abby reached over and pulled his mask off his face, running her fingers over his scars. "Anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Reynolds?"

He chuckled. "I've heard it a few times."

Abby examined his stunning blue eyes. They really were beautiful, like pools of cool blue water.

Abby leaned over and planted her lips on his, much to Wade's surprise; he just pulled her closer and kissed her back in response.

Abby's insides were on fire, her heart beating fast. She pulled away. "Oh, I'm sorry. My cold . . ."

"Healing factor," Wade said, rolling over onto his back and pulling Abby on top of him. Their kisses grew ferocious; Abby untucked Wade's shirt, pulling it off and throwing it on the floor; Wade pulled Abby's bathrobe off, and then her shorts. The two's lips remained locked to whole time they did this scandelous event, until they were eventually each stripped down to their underwerar. Abby tucked her fingers in the waistband of Wade's boxers, starting to pull them off, when the feeling hit.

She suddenly jerked away and clapped her hand over her mouth, jumping up and running to the bathroom, where she hurled.

"Ah, come on, it's not that bad!" Wade called from the other room as Abby came into the bathroom, leaning against the doorjam, frowning.

"You know, this isn't the first time someone has thrown up at the sight of me, but it is the first time someone has thrown up at the sight of me during foreplay. I wonder who holds that record?"

"Oh, Wade, I'm sorry," Abby gasped as she flushed, and then vomitted some more. "It's this medicine Tony gave me. It's tearing my stomache apart." Shakily, she stood, and filled a little paper cup with water. She swished it around in her mouth and spit, sighing. She was exausted.

"It's okay," Wade said, for once sounding serious and concerned. "I'll pull the couch out for you."

He procedded to the living room, where he pulled the fouton out and arranged the pillows and blankets.

He returned to find Abby sitting on the edge of the bathtub, shivering intensley. Wade picked her up and carried her to the living room, where he covered her with blankets. She fell asleep quickly, but still lay shivering. Gently, Wade got under the covers and pulled Abby to his side, tucking his arm under her head and wrapping his other arm around her.

She stopped shivering a few moments after, snuggling deeper into Wade.


	7. You're Welcome

"You can't wear that, Wade."

"Why not?"

"You'll scare the children."

Wade sighed as he looked down at his regular day-to-day spandex. "And my face won't?"

Abby frowned. "Good point."

It was two weeks later, and Abby was finally going back to work. The only catch; Wade had to go with her and keep her safe.

"Alright, then," Wade grinned. "Let's get outta here, Red."

They got into Wade's car, which Tony had given him when Abby moved in with him.

"Okay," Abby said. "I've already cleared it with the teachers; you're a student at a local community college, and you want to be a teacher, so you're observing me. You were badly injured in war, so you have to keep your wounds covered for the good of your health. Since the secretary still was convinced you were my retarded cousin or whatever, Tony had a long chat with her, and she's not going to say a thing. Please be polite and not insane."

"What do I get for good behavior?" He asked, leaning back.

"Oh, you'll get yours," Abby promised.

"Promise not to throw up this time?"

"We'll see."

They arrived at the school early, so that Abby could look over what the sub had been doing with the kids while she was gone. Deadpool kicked back at Abby's desk, sighing.

The first bell rang, and kids started flooding into the room. Some paused and looked over at Deadpool. Others frowned and sat down, starring at him.

Abby was busy writing her assignments on the board. Peter stopped by and looked into the classroom before continuing onto his room.

The late bell rang, and Abby turned around smiling. "I'm back!" she said. "Sorry I was gone for so long. I was in a car accident and ordered to bed rest." She continued over to her desk, where she placed her hand on Wade's shoulder. He started, as though he had been sleeping, and sat up straighter. "This is Wade Wilson. He's from the local community college and wants to be a teacher, so he'll be staying with us for a while."

"What are you, some sex fiend?" asked a boy in the back row.

"I got partially blown up in Iraq. You're welcome."

"Wade," Abby said. "Anyway. Alright, so you all did the reading assignments I left?"

Wade cracked his knuckles and twiddled his thumbs. He looked up at the ceiling and down at the floor. He sighed. He clipped all of Abbys paper clips together. He stapled all of her forms. He broke all of her chalk.

"_Wade."_

He looked up. Abby was starring him down, frowning. "It's lunch time," she said.

"Cool," he said, stretching. "Where are we eating?"

"I packed our lunch."

"Did you -"

"I cut off your crust."

_"Yes!" _

The two ate their lunch in silence. Wade chugged a YooHoo and looked at the clock. "How much time do we have?"

"About twenty minutes."

He stretched. "Wanna do it in the supply closet?"

"Wade! You know better than that." She frowned. "There's not enough room."

"Hi, guys," Peter said, coming in and sitting down with Noelle behind him.

"Hi," Abby greeted.

"How ya feeling?" Peter asked Abby.

She grinned, taking a bite of salad. _"Super."_

"Ha," Noelle said. "I see what you did there."

Peter grinned. "But really, how have you been?"

"Okay, I guess."

"She flew," Wade said.

"You _flew?_"

"Hovered!" Abby exclaimed. "I hovered."

"Man," Noelle frowned. "I wish I could fly. You guys all get the cool powers, and I'm the human frickin' lightbulb."

"Curious question?" Wade suddenly piped up. "Have you all been getting stalked by Maria Hill?"

"Kinda, yeah," Peter frowned.

"Now that you mention it," Noelle agreed.

"Glad to know I'm not the only one. She's standing right there."

They all turned around and looked at the door, where agent Maria Hill was standing.

"Be very still," Peter said out of the corner of his mouth. "And maybe she won't see us."

"Peter Parker, Noelle Clancy, and Wade Wilson," she said, entering the room. Six armed men followed. "You're under arrest, by order of Director Nick Fury." She nodded to the guards, who pulled the three up and handcuffed them.

"What's going on!" Abby exclaimed, standing quickly. "Agent Hill, what is this?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Watson, for this inconvience -"

"Hill!" Peter snapped. "What is going on?"

She looked at him coolly and steadily. "You're under arrest," she said. "For the murder of Tony Stark."


	8. Spectra

"Tony Stark is not dead."

Carol Danvers slammed her fists down on the table to emphasize her point.

Mary Jane, Pepper Potts, Penelope Osborne, Carol Danvers and Abby sat in the Avenges meeting room. Pepper's eyes were bloodshot and puffy. MJ sat next to her, holding her hand.

"The others are gone. They've been arrested for Tony's murder," Carol continued.

At the word 'Murder', a fresh set of tears silently leaked from Peppers eyes.

"They haven't found me yet," Carol continued. "They're looking. But I refuse to believe for one second that Tony Stark is dead. The Avengers would never kill Tony. Ever. Something's up. And there's only one way to prove it. We need superheros."

She sat down, looking around the room. "Penelope," she said. "We don't know much about you - why don't you -"

"Of course," she said. "My name is Penelope Osborne. I'm the daughter of Norman Osborne, therefore the sister of Harry Osborne. I worked under Otto Octavius for a few months, and then trained with Bullseye for about a year. My main goal was to get revenge on Spider-Man for killing my brother, but he convinced me that I was - for once - wrong and I joined the Avengers. I stayed on the team for a while, but then decided to go solo, and left for Chicago. I came back when I learned a few weeks ago that Doom kidnapped the Fantastic Four in order to bait the X-Men and Avengers into retrieving them, where he stole their powers. I have an accelerated healing factor and I'm also - not to brag - a super genius."***

"Great," Carol said. "You've got the the smarts, use them. We'll need gadgets, com devices, etc."

Penelope nodded and opened her laptop.

"Pepper," Carol said. "The new model version of the Rescue suit - is it ready?"

"It still has a few bugs," Pepper said bravely, swallowing her tears. "Tony still needed to add the -"

"I can add anything he needed on it," Penelope interrupted. "I need his notes and a place to work."

"You got it," Carol said. "MJ, can you work tech support?"

She nodded, and Carol turned to Abby. "Do you have any grasp on your powers?"

"I - I don't know!" Abby said. "I've haven't really tried."

"Okay, here's what we're going to do." Carol stood. "Penelope is going to work on the suit and the gadgets. Pepper is going to train MJ how to use the computers and devices. I'm going to train Abby how to use her powers. Are we all clear?"

Everyone nodded, and Carol nodded. "Let's get started."

* * *

Carol and Abby stood on the roof of Stark tower. The wind blew through Abby's hair, and she looked around her nervously.

"This is a very simple exercise," Carol explained. "We're going to work on your ability to fly. When was the last time you flew?"

"Last night, in bed. I was half asleep though. I woke up and fell three feet onto the bed."

"Okay, so you need to clear your mind," Carol said. "That's simple enough. What were you thinking of before you went to bed?"

_Wade, _Abby thought instantly, but instead said "Cake."

Carol shook her head. "Um, ok. Then, clear your mind of everything but . . . Cake."

Abby sighed and closed her eyes, directing her thoughts at Wade and only Wade. What he looked like, smelled like, tasted like . . . Whether or not he was okay.

"Abby, open your eyes."

Abby did as she was told; She was hovering about eight feet above Carol. Carol smiled and joined her in the air. "Great job," Carol said. "Now, it's just like walking; only instead of taking one step at a time, just _think _it."

Abby did as she was told, and was flying forward.

"We're going to speed it up," said Carol. "Don't worry, I'll be right beside you."

"Okay," said Abby.

They zipped around the city for a while, before they landed back on Stark Tower.

"Okay, let's try some other stuff. You can fly. Wade said you super-sneezed the TV a few weeks ago."

"It was gross," Abby admitted.

"You just had power behind it. Happens to me lots. Okay, let's see if we can focus all that power to some point in your body; most of us use our chest and our hands, Jessica uses all her pores. Why don't you focus all that power, and see where it goes, yeah?"

Abby nodded, taking a deep breath and focusing all her energy; she felt a heavy, hot feeling in her hands, and looked down, seeing her hands glowing green. She was surrounded by several green rings, circling her body like suspended hula hoops.

"All right!" Carol whooped. "Now, shoot all of that energy right there, at the Stark Industries Billboard."

"Isn't that . . . disrespectful? To Tony's memory?"

"Tony is not dead!" Carol snapped. "I'm positive!"

Abby took a step back, and sighed. She aimed her hands at the billboard, and she felt a tingling shock up her arms as the green shot at the billboard like lightning.

"Great!" Carol said, looking at the smoking billboard. She looked back at Abby and frowned. "I wonder what's with these rings, though . . ."

Abby frowned as well. They were still circling her. Gingerly, she reached down and touched one. It was warm and surprisingly soft. She grasped it, and it snapped straight, a long staff made of green energy.

"Amazing!" Carol said. "I wonder what else you can make . . . think of a sword?"

Abby did as she was told, and the staff shifted into a green energy sword. She thought of a whip, and it took the form of it. She frowned.

"What's wrong?" asked Carol.

Abby didn't answer. Instead, she pulled her energy back, and snapped it at the light pole. She created another energy beam, throwing it at another light pole. Than another, and another.

Carol gaped when it was finished, and her eyes widened. "So this was Osbornes plan," she said.

Abby stood on a straight energy wire in the middle of her web. A bright, green, detailed spider web.

"Osborne wanted you to have similar powers to Spider-Man, so that it would be hard for him to beat you. That's . . ."

"Terrible?" Abby supplied.

"And awesome," Carol said. "This is great." She took Abby's hand. "Come on. You need a costume and a name."

* * *

Carol waited in the meeting room, wearing her Ms. Marvel costume. Penelope stood beside her, in her red leather one-piece, her long hair in a braid. A moment later, Mary Jane entered with Pepper, who was wearing a gold and silver Rescue suit. Mary Jane had computers set up, and she and Pepper double checked everything.

The door opened, and Abby entered. Her costume was in a style similar to Ms. Marvel, exposing her legs and arms. It was black, with a green web spreading across the front and onto the back. She had tall, green boots and gloves. A metallic green sash wound itself around her hip, with a black spider clasp holding it on. Her black mask covered her eyes, with a special, comfortable suction holding it on.

MJ whistled."Dang, girl. You look hot."

Abby grinned. "Think so?" She said, looking around at herself.

"Fantastic," MJ said, nodding.

Carol smiled at Abby. "Welcome to the team, Spectra."

***** Penelope****'s Story Coming Soon!  
**

**For more on Dooms power-stealing gig, see "Shadow Shines on the Devil" (Daredevil/OC)  
**


	9. Can'tThinkOfACreativeNameForThisCh apter

"This sucks."

Peter leaned his head back against the wall.

Noelle nodded her agreement, looking at Matt. "Can you hear anything?" She asked quietly.

He shook his head. "No. They have this room totally super sense proof. I can't even _see._ I can't hear your heartbeat, nothing."

Jessica Drew sighed and stood suddenly. "Hey, Tony," she called. "You found anything?"

"Nothing I can use to get in contact with the others," the billionaire sighed. "We're stuck."

The door opened, and Luke Cage and Jessica Jones were led in. A couple of men took off their cuffs, and left, locking the door.

Matt tensed up, and Noelle up her hand on his. "It's okay. It's Luke and Jessica."

Luke looked around, his eyes locking on Tony, shock evident on his face.

"Tony!" Jess exclaimed. "They – they told us you were dead."

"Yeah," Tony said. "Sorry to disappoint."

"The hell is going on?" Luke demanded.

"We have _no_ idea," Steve said from where he leaned against the wall. "They arrested us for Tony's murder, then threw us in here. Obviously, they were lying."

"Is Danielle okay?" Jessica Drew asked.

"She's fine. She's with Danny," Jess replied.

"Where's Logan?" Luke asked, looking around for the smaller man.

"With the other X-Men," Jessica Drew answered.

"X-Men?"

"They were brought in, too," Noelle explained.

"We have to find out what's going on," Peter said. He looked next to him, where Wade snored lightly.

Pete hit him on the shoulder. "Hey, wake up."

"What? No horsies!" Wade started, jumping.

"We need a plan" Pete said.

"I have a plan," Wade said, relaxing. "We wait."

* * *

"I received a distress signal from the Helicarrier last night."

"Who sent it?"

"Hill."

"So she didn't really arrest the others."

"No."

"So who did?"

Dum Dum Dugan leaned back, frowning. "No idea. But we need to find out. We can't get close enough to the Helicarrier to tell. I don't have any agents left in New York, Carol. They were all on the Helicarrier."

"We can get close enough," Carol said, looking at the others. "Abby, Pepper and I can fly, Penelope has her glider. MJ is staying here, for tech support."

"You should know," Dugan said. "That the X-Men have been taken aboard."

"Where's the Fantastic Four?"

"They left for Attilan two days ago."

Carol sighed. "Here's what we're going to do," Carol said. "I'm going to fly up there and find out who's behind all of this. You need to wait here at Stark. I'll keep in touch via com device."

Dugan nodded, and Carol headed for the roof.

* * *

_Nearly there_, Carol thought as she approached the Helicarrier. She flew underneath the Helicarrier to avoid any unnecessary dying, and found an emergency door.

Once inside, she headed through the dark hallway into the main entrance.

There was a click, and her eyes widened.

"Dugan," she said into her com device. "We have a hostile alien race, armed and ready. Call in all and any rogue heroes."

"Have they seen you?"

Carol looked around, surrounded by twenty blue and green molted aliens.

"Oh yeah. They've seen me."

* * *

"_Damn it!" _Dugan slammed his fists down on the table. "They got Carol."

"What?" Pepper exclaimed. "There's no way we can do this without her!"

"Need a hand?" Dugan looked to the door, where Bobby Drake stood.

"Bobby," MJ said, with a huge sigh of relief. "Thank God. They didn't get you?"

"Nah. I just got back from visiting the 'rents. I got to the mansion, and found out what was going on. I tried to make contact with X, but he's out of town."

"He's not at the school?"

Bobby shook his head. "Nah, he never is."

"Good, we'll need him," Dugan said. "Listen, you lot. We need any rogue supers. This is an alien race, and we have no idea what we're dealing with."

"Rogues, huh?" Bobby said. "Oh, I think I know a person or two."


	10. Rogue Heroes

Remy LeBeau whistled merrily to himself as he drove home to his little cabin in Louisiana. He smiled and waved when he saw Rogue on the porch waiting for him, then his brow furrowed as he realized someone was there with her.

He parked his BMW and joined them.

"Bobby," he said. "Somethin' the matter?"

"The X-Men have been captured," Rogue drawled. "By aliens. We gotta help 'em, Remy."

"When did all dis happen?"

Bobby quickly explained the situation, and Remy frowned. "But why? What's da point?" He shook his head. "I just don't see their angle at all."

"We're working on it," Bobby said. "You in, Cajun?"

Remy grinned. "What, a mission without Gambit? Where'd the fun be in dat?"

* * *

"It's Doctor Strange, right?"

Penelope shifted her feet awkwardly as she stood in the Sanctum Sanatorium.

The Doctor looked amused. "Yes, that's right. And this is Wong, my student."

"Hi," Penelope said. "Listen, Doc. There's been a problem . . ." She told him about what had happened.

The doctor listened patiently, nodding for her to go on occasionally. When she was finished, he took a sip of his tea. "And you would like me to aid you?"

Penelope looked at him incredulously. "Well, yeah."

The Doctor nodded again. "And will you ask me, Miss, what was it? _Penelope_? Like from Odyssey."

Penelope looked at him sharply. "Are you flirting with me, Doc?"

Strange smiled again. "Am I?"

"Look, are you gonna help us or not?"

Strange stood and nodded. "Of course."

* * *

Johnny Storm sneezed, and felt his nostrils burn.

Literally.

He rode up in the elevator to the top of Stark Tower, where he got off on the floor Jarvis had told him too. He walked towards the the kitchen.

Mary Jane looked up, shocked. "Johnny!" she said. "I thought you guys were on Attilan!"

"Nah, I didn't go," Johnny said. "Sue, Reed, and Ben just went to help with some maintenance work, but I'm a bit under the weather so I stayed behind." He looked around. "I heard you guys have a bit of a problem."

"We do! And thank goodness you're here!"

"Fill me in."

She did so quickly, and Johnny frowned. "Where are the others?"

"Bobby went to get Rogue and Gambit, Penelope went for Dr. Strange, Dugan's out looking for Professor Xavier, and Pepper went to get War Machine."

"Okay, good. I'll call the rest of the FF, and then see if I can track down Thor. I brought the Fantaicar, wanna ride along?"

"Sure," MJ said.

" . . . so anyway, just get back as soon as you can so we don't all get taken over by an alien race," Johnny concluded his message to the others in the Fantasticar. "Love from Torch! Tell Crystal to call me!"

He ended the message, and looked at MJ. "Now to find Thor."

"How are we going to find him?" MJ said.

"Good question. I can't keep track of the guy. He could be in China, for all we know, or back in Asgard –"

"Or flying right past us," MJ suggested, as a blur of red and gold past them.

"Whoa!" Johnny spun the Fantasticar around, catching up with the god.

"Hey, Asgard!" he called.

Thor looked towards Johnny as they flew alongside each other.

"Johnny Storm," he greeted.

"Listen, we were just about to come find you!" Johnny called. "The Avengers and X-Men were captured by some aliens. Wanna beat some up with us?"

"Johnny Storm," Thor said. "It would be an honor."

* * *

Pepper sat in the jet, flipping through a magazine as she waited. When she heard footsteps, she looked up and smiled. "Hey, Jim," she smiled, standing to hug him.

"Hey, Pep. Everything alright?" Jim Rhodes asked, pulling back to look at her. "You sounded panicked on the phone."

"That's the thing," she said. "Tony and the others have been taken captive by an alien race. The Fantastic Four is in space, and the X-Men have been captured, too. We have to get them back."

"You got a suit?"

"Yes, and a team."

"How big?"

"Small, but growing. Jim, you're the closest thing to a leader that we've got. We need you on this."

"Of course," Rhodey said. "Tony would do the same thing for me."

* * *

"They better send Rhodey for me," Tony said.

"If they send anyone, you mean?" Jessica asked.

"They will," Carol said. "Trust me, they totally will."

"Sure. And then they get captured," Jessica sighed.

Carol stuck her tongue at Jessica.

Jessica rolled her eyes, running her hand through her hair.

"You made it very clear to MJ that she would be on tech support only?" Peter asked Carol.

Carol nodded. "She gets it."

Peter looked relieved, and sat back. "So what do we do now?"

"I told you!" Wade said. "We wait."


	11. FUSION!

"Try and stay subtle and unnoticed," Dugan told the team. "Don't destroy the Helicarrier or Hill's gonna have _my_ ass for it."

"We'll try," Rogue replied, tilting the jet slightly to the right. She was in the X-Men's Blackbirds pilot seat, Bobby in the copilot seat. She reached up and hit a button. "Goin' into stealth mode."

To the outside world, the jet disappeared from sight.

"Off any radar, holdin' steady," Rogue said. "Thank _God _I kept a key to the X-Jet Hanger."

"You mean thank God _Remy_ kept a key to da Hanga'," Remy grunted, sitting behind Rogue with his feet propped up.

"Where's the Quinjet anyway?" Bobby piped up.

"It's being repaired," Pepper said, adjusting some last minute things on her suit.

"We're comin' up on the Hellicarier," Rogue said. "Suits, get ready."

Pepper and Rhodey stood next to the ramp. Pepper nodded to Bobby. He pushed a button. "Good luck!" he called.

Pepper and Rhodey jumped from the jet. Rogue watched to see them regain flight, and kept flying.

"Flyers, you're up," she said.

Johnny, Abby, Penelope, Thor, and Dr. Strange stood over the ramp.

"Hey, Hothead!" Bobby called. "Don't have _too _much fun 'till I get there!"

"What, are you kidding?" Johnny called. "I'll have the place torn up before you land!"

The ramp dropped, and they jumped out.

"Alright, Dugan!" Rogue said, standing and allowing Dugan to take the controls. "It's on auto. We're flyin' right over the top of the Helicarrier in about 20 seconds. Bobby, Remy, and I and are going in."

"Got it. Go!"

Rogue hit the ramp button, and her and the other two X-Men jumped out.

There was a loud, alerting noise coming from the Hellicarrier. Penelope frowned and cursed. "So much for the subtle approach," she said. She hit her com device. "They know we're here. Have at it!"

Remy got the message and smiled. "You said it, cher, not me."

He twirled his staff and it glowed purple; he slammed it down into the top of the Hellicarrier, and a large hole was there for them.

Bobby nodded. "Cool." He iced up and created an ice bridge into the Hellicarrier. "Hey!" He yelled at a bunch of E.T.s that were running around frantically. "Chill out!" He blasted them with ice, freezing them.

Rogue sighed and groaned. "Bobby, you don't always gotta make puns!"

She grabbed an alien by his shirt and pulled her up to her face. "Where are the X-Men?" She demanded.

He trembled and pointed down a long hallway.

* * *

"This is the _worst _anniversary ever, Scott darling, just so you know."

Emma Frost sat on a crate, her arms crossed as she glared at Scott Summers, who leaned against the wall across from her.

He sighed. "Yeah, so you've said. Several times."

Kitty Pryde sighed and looked over to where Logan was snoring. She nudged him with her foot. "Hey. Wake up, you sound like a grizzly bear. Giving birth."

Logan swatted her away, and Kitty rolled her eyes. "Hey, Hank, have you found anything that could help us get out of here?"

"Absolutely nothing," Hank McCoy said. "This room is completely power proof."

"_Da_. I can't break through it," Peter Rasputin said.

Logan sniffed suddenly, turning over. "Huh. Smells like gumbo."

Hank shook his head. "Logan has officially lost it."

"Wait," Kitty said. "Did you say gumbo? Like, Cajun?"

There was an explosion outside the room; everyone looked towards the door. The handle twisted, the door open, and someone poked their head in the room.

"Eh, you guys just gonna sit 'round and let Gambit do tha work or what?"

* * *

"Something's going on out there," Tony said nonchalantly, looking towards the door.

Carol nodded. "Told you they'd come."

The door was blown open suddenly by a pumpkin bomb; Peter panicked a moment before realizing it was just Penelope.

She and Abby rushed in, holding off several aliens. With the help of the rest of the Avengers, the aliens were soon defeated. Everyone looked around at one another. There was a crash, and Pepper and Rhodey shoved their way through.

"I knew they'd get Rhodey!" Tony said, approaching his friend. "Did ya bring me anything?"

"Have a party favor." Rhodey handed him a red-and-gold chest piece; Tony fitted it onto his chest, and the rest of his Iron Man suit expanded from it.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Pepper said, holding tears back.

Tony grinned. "Ah, you're not getting rid of me that easily, Pep."

Abby found Wade; she jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling his mask up to kiss him deeply.

"Can I interrupt for a minute?" Carol said. "We've kinda got a crisis."

The X-Men and Avengers met in the middle of the Hellicarrier, where Johnny and Doctor Strange were holding off the aliens.

"There are way too many!" Johnny called. "We can't take them all!"

"We sure as hell can try," Scott replied. He blasted several E.T.s with his optic blasts, and Emma went into diamond form.

* * *

Johnny was right – there was way too many for them to take down. The heroes were getting exhausted, and the aliens just kept coming.

Abby looked around; a few of them were okay. Emma was still going strong, never getting tired in her diamond form. Wolverine was still slashing around like he did; Rogue would get tried, but then just suck some energy when she could; Shadowcat's little dragon, Lockheed, was still flying around blowing flames. Iron Man and Rescue were scratched up and dented, but they still had some power left. Spider-Woman was tossing venom blasts left and right, back to back with Ms. Marvel. Deadpool was still shooting like crazy. Captain Americas shield would zip around the room occasionally, as would Thor's hammer.

But the others weren't doing so well. Torch's flame was flickering. Gambit was bleeding from the head. Iceman had been knocked out, as had Cyclops. Jessica Jones was slouched against the wall, where she had passed out as well. Shadowcat was rolling on the floor, trying to muster enough energy to get up and keep going; Colossus had been knocked back into human form; Beast nursed a large gash on his arm. War Machine's suit was sparking and crushed on the ground; Penelope had lost her glider and bombs in the mess, and had been tossed aside easily; Strange had fallen trying to help her. Noelle had exhausted herself.

Spider-Man, Daredevil, and Luke had gone looking for the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. And if they didn't find them fast, these heroes were done for.

Abby looked up in time to jump out of the way as Johnny was thrown to the ground. A moment later, Gambit was blown against a wall.

Abby looked around for Wade. "We can't do this, Wade!" She called when she spotted him a few feet from herself.

"Don't be negative!" Wade replied, shooting and loading, over and over. "_We got dis, homie_!"

Abby rolled her eyes; then Wade got an idea in his head.

"Iron Man!" he yelled, dropping his guns and pulling out two more. "You gotta blast Wolvie!"

"The hell?" Wolverine snarled as he decapitated an alien.

"Iron Man has to blast you with his repulsor; catch the beam with your claws!"

Abby caught on. "Do as he says!" she called.

"Abby, have you lost your damn mind?" snarled Wolverine.

"Trust me!"

Wolverine growled, and Iron Man and he meet eyes.

"Well don't just stand there!" Wolverine snapped. "Hit me!"

The heroes who heard them grabbed any other heroes and pulled them down to the ground.

Iron Man lifted his arm; his repulsor ray gathered energy; it was fired at Wolverine, who crossed his claws and used them as a shield.

The ray ricocheted off his claws and blasted around the room; and then there was only quiet.

The heroes slowly stood and looked around; the aliens were unconscious on the ground.

"Where did you learn that move?" Steve asked in awe.

"Video games," Deadpool said. "I call it Fusion." ******

"Well, it worked," said Tony.

Wolverine groaned and stood; he was smoking slightly, and he snarled. "You're _lucky_ it worked, bub!"

"Now lets question some of these losers," Rogue said, her hands on her hips.

* * *

****Anyone get the Deadpool-Breaking-The-Fourth-Wall-With-Ultimate-Alliane-Two refrence?**


	12. We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

"What's your name, shugah?"

"I will tell you nothing!"

Rogue sighed. "Dammit! I can't get nothin' from this guy."

"Can't you just, you know," Penelope shrugged. "Suck it out of him?"

Rogue scowled. "Maybe if I hadn't sucked so much power today. I'm exhausted."

They had been trying to get information out of the seemingly lead aliens for three hours. The heroes were getting headaches and annoyed.

"Let me handle this," came a voice from the shadows. A swiveling chair turned, and Deadpool sat, stroking a cat.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Spider Woman asked. "And where did you get that cat?"

Deadpool stood. "It seems you're having a problem," he said in his best deep, dark, and scary voice. "Perhaps I could be of assistance."

Rogue shrugged. "Well be my guest. We can't get him to talk."

"And my pheromones won't work on him," Jessica frowned. "See if you can find out what race he is."

The girls left the room, and Deadpool looked darkly at the alien.

"Mwahahahahaha!"

* * *

"What do you think he'll do to him?" Rogue asked the other girls.

"Dunno," Jessica said. "It's Deadpool."

"Yeah," Penelope nodded. "Hello probably attack him and beat him into a pulp."

* * *

"Man, you think he can do it?" Luke Cage asked.

"No way," Peter Parker replied. "No way can he get everything he needs out of that alien using nothing but movie lines. It's impossible."

* * *

"What we've got here, is a failure to communicate. Well game over, man! _Game over!"_

Deadpool was right in the alien's face. The alien crinkled his nose, and pulled away.

Deadpool was totally going to show those other heroes. Parker, Cage, Johnny, Steve, and Tony had bet him twenty bucks each to get information out of the alien using nothing but movie quotes. And he could totally do that.

"I am not going to be ignored!" Deadpool yelled.

"What is it you want, strange man?" asked the alien.

"I have come here to chew bubble gun and kick ass," Deadpool said. "And I'm all out of bubble gum."

"You do not intimidate me!" The alien snapped.

_Shit, _Deadpool thought. _Need more material. _

"The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?" Deadpool said. "Oh damn," he muttered. "Better not use that. My editor will kill me. Freaking fourth wall rule . . . Can I use the Dark Knight? No, better not use the Dark Knight . . .Umm . . ."

He cleared his throat.

"It is not the violence that sets men apart, it is the distance that he is prepared to go," Deadpool finally said.

"And to what distance will you travel?" asked the alien. "I have a very high pain tolerance. I have been trained to be prepared for everything. I know how this feels."

Deadpool saw his opportunity. "No! You don't know how it feels! Your parents are dead! You have no family!"

_Good one, Wade. Awesome, _he thought. He mentally high fived himself.

The aliens eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"The eyes, Chico. They never lie."

"It's no matter," the alien said. "Do your worst."

Deadpool shrugged. "Peace was never an option." _I can use that, right? _Deadpool thought. _You know what. I can totally use that one. That movie sucked anyway. _

Deadpool cleared his throat.

"I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." Deadpool turned and lifted his rear end towards the alien.

* * *

The heroes started at a screaming noise coming from the next room. A moment later, the door burst open and Deadpool marched out happily.

"We came. We saw. We kicked its ass!" He said with triumph. "Show me the money!"

The boys groaned and paid up.

"Man, I ain't betting you nothing. Ever," Luke said.

"One little pass of gas, and the E.T. blabbed everything," Deadpool said.

"You farted on him?" Spider-Woman asked.

"In his general direction, yeah. Anyway, he's part of a race called the Skra'e. Look kinda like Skrulls, well, because they're like a distant cousin. But they kinda hate each other. And for some reason, they think if they take over a few different planets, they'll gather enough forces to take over the Skrull, the Kree, the Shi'ar, all of it. So they figured it they started with Earth, they'd need to begin in high ranks. S.H.I.E.L.D. They're like, really smart. And also there's a bomb attached to the bottom of the Helicarrier triggered to go off in like two minutes."

"What?" Rogue snapped. "You just wasted our time with all that? We gotta stop that bomb!"

There was a loud explosion, and the carrier shook.

"Um. I think it might be too late," Penelope said.

* * *

"It's going down!"

Carol pushed Tony out of the way before a piece of falling rubble could hit him.

"We've got to stop it!" Rogue said. "It's going to fall onto Times Square!"

"Spider-Man!" Tony yelled.

"I'm on it!" he called back. He started stringing his web from building to building, making a giant net.

Tony sped towards the falling base, followed by Carol, Spectra, and any other flying superheroes that could help lift it.

"It's not enough!" Rogue cried.

Spectra looked down at the busy streets. People were running, trying to get out of the way, panicking. She hesitated for a moment, and then streaked away from the Helicarrier. Hovering a good bit a ways from it, she held up her hands.

"Guys!" She yelled. "Let go!"

"Are you insane?" Torch yelled.

"Just do it!"

The heroes hesitated before letting go and drifting away from it. The carrier started to fall faster. With all of her might and power, Spectra aimed at the Helicarrier, and blasted all of her power at it.

The base was engulfed in a green beam. It stopped falling, caught in Spectra's beam. Spectra was shaking and sweat was pouring down her face, but channeling all of her energy, she moved the Helicarrier from over the city to the Hudson, where she let it go next to its loading dock.

Letting her power go, Spectra blinked her eyes a few times, and felt herself falling. She was caught by someone, and laid down on the roof.

"Abby! Abby, are you okay?"

She shook her head, trying to clear it, before sitting up, dizzy. Her vision cleared, and she smiled tiredly at Spider-Man, who was standing over her, fretting.

"Hey, Pete," she rasped.

"Jesus, Abby," Peter said, his voice majorly relieved. He put his hands on her shoulders. "I can't believe you just did that!"

"Is everyone all right?" Tony, Carol, Johnny, and the other fliers landed.

Spider-Man nodded. "Thanks to Abby."

"You just saved hundreds of lives," Tony said.

"That was one helluva display of power, shugah," Rogue agreed.

"Out of my way! Shoo! Move!"

Deadpool pushed his way through the other heroes, dropping to his knees beside Abby. "Are you okay?" He asked desperately.

She nodded. "I'm fine, Wade."

"Never do that again!" He said, wrapping her in his arms. "You scared the shit out of me! Jesus, Abby, seriously! I don't wanna lose you! You're the first thing I've really loved since the McRib, and they took that away from me!"

Everyone stood back, looking slightly shocked at Deadpools display of affection.

"Um, guys," Tony said. "You may wanna see this."

They all stood, and walked to the edge of the building.

A large screen over Times Square was already showing the whole ordeal – focusing on Abby's power.


	13. Whipped

"In other news, New Yorks favorite new super heroine, Spectra, not only saved two families from drowning after an accident on the bridge this afternoon – right after being seen patrolling the skies with New York's hottie, Johnny Storm. Could there be something between the two hot heroes? Story at eleven."

Wade grunted and flipped the channel to the shopping network.

" –This particular style modeled after the design worn by NYC's own Spectra –,"

Wade changed it to a crappy sitcom.

"Jane, how could you! I told you _I _was going to be Spectra for Halloween, you said you were going to be Ms. Marvel! Friendship _over_!"

Wade groaned and flipped it to _E!_

"Coming up next, could the Kardiashians be replaced with another reality show starting the super heroine Spectra? Find out, next!"

Getting annoyed, Wade switched to the Spanish Network.

"_¡Subiendo después, una hora entera en el héroe favorito de Nueva York, Spectra!"_

"Dammit!" Wade snapped, shutting the TV off. Sighing, he picked up a Newspaper. The head line read, **Interview with Spectra, New Yorks Hero! More on page 3.** Following the head line was a picture of Spectra saving a bus full of kids when the bus almost crashed into a building.

"I can't escape her!" Wade squeaked. "Even when she's not home, I can't escape her! Ah, man, what do I do?"

"You're overreacting. Some of these stories are really nice, Wade," Weasel said from where he sat in the easy chair, flipping through the news paper. He frowned when a throwing star narrowly missed his head and embedded itself in the wall. "You'll have to pay for that, you know."

"Why did I let you be my landlord? I could be living the easy life in Stark Tower with the other heroes, having Jarvis bring me burritos and Yoo-Hoos. . ."

"So go," Weasel said.

"One does not just move," Wade said.

"You do it all the time."

"Let me rephrase it: One does not just move when his girlfriend has anything to say about it."

Weasel shrugged. "You're on your own."

Wade grumbled under his breath.

"Shouldn't you be out there with her?" Weasel asked. "You know – protecting her from a certain mad man?"

"She has superpowers now," Wade said miserably. "She doesn't need protecting anymore. Besides, she's out flying the skies with _Johnny,"_ he said, poison dripping from his voice.

The door opened, and Abby breezed in. "Hi, boys," she said. "I'm just stopping by to get my spare mask. Damn Tigershark ripped mine."

"Tigershark?" Wade said hopefully. "Do you need some help?"

She shook her head. "Thanks, but it's already handled. I'm going back out for a while. Wade, did you take the trash out?"

"Yes, dear."

"The dishes are washed?"

"Of course, my love."

"Bathroom cleaned?"

"Done and done, sweetie."

She smiled and kissed his head. "See you later, baby."

She left, and Weasel shook his head, disgusted. "You. Are. _Whipped_."

_BamBamBam!_

Weasel sighed as three bullets buried themselves in the wall. "You'll have to pay for that, too." He flipped the TV back on.

"What are you doing?" Wade demanded.

"There's an interview with your girlfriend. Don't you wanna see if she mentions you?"

"Pfft. No." Deadpool leaned forward eagerly.

There was a knock on the door, and Peter walked into the house. "Hey," he said. "Is Abby here? MJ wants her to come to girls night tonight, and Abby's cell got crushed fighting Rhino . . ."

"Shh!" Wade said. "Jameson is about to interview her!"

"No way!" Peter said, his eyes widened. He jumped over the sofa to sit beside him. "He never does interviews! She is going to get _trashed! Ha! _She's taking a load off me!"

"I'm J Jonah Jameson, and I'm here for a personal interview with Spectra."

Jameson stood next to Spectra, who looked slightly nervous. Jameson turned his grumpy expression on her.

"Spectra. You are a vigilante. You fly around this city, in a costume and a mask, beating up freaks! You are one of the most . . ."

"Here it comes," Peter said, giddy.

" . . . Fantastic things that has ever happened to this city! You've saved families. And you've done it neatly, with no mess! Not like that menace, Spider-Man!"

Peter's jaw dropped. "No! No, no, no, no, no! This is _not _happening!"

"What do you have to say to New York?" Jameson shoved the microphone under her mouth.

"Oh. Um. Well, stay safe. And don't think that just because heroes are out there flying around, there's no reason for police, firemen, or paramedics. They're the real heroes of New York. We're just here to help."

Jameson laughed. "So humble! You're the best New York has in the hero department. What would you tell to the youngsters out there, looking up to you?"

"Stay in school, and be good to your friends, family, everyone. You could be New York's next hero." She winked at the camera and smiled.

"Spectra, we've seen you hanging around town with riffraff such as Spider-Woman, Spider-Man, and Deadpool. Why?"

"Jonah, I think you're too hard on them. They're not bad people. They're actually great people, trying to do great things. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility."

"You're a very wise young woman," Jameson said.

"No!" Peter yelled, jumping up. "No! That's mine! That's my thing!"

"You're obviously very special," Jameson said. "But tell me, what makes you any more different than other heroes?"

Peter buried his head in his hands and Wade moaned.

"Guys!" Weasel yelled. "Look!"

They looked back at the TV.

"Jameson! You're dead!" The camera panned out to show the Wrecking Crew. Wrecker was swinging his crowbar, and the rest of the crew stood behind him.

"Get 'im, boys!" Wrecker yelled.

"I wouldn't do that," Spectra said. "He's with me."

They hesitated. "Come on, boys!" Thunderball yelled. "She's just one girl!"

"Yeah!" Bulldozer said. "Let's get her!"

They took off at Jameson, whose eyes were wide. Spectra jumped into the air, using all her force and aiming her feet and spiraling towards Piledrivers head. He went flying backwards from the force, crashing into the ground. Spectra spun around and blasted Bulldozer, who went flying into Thunderball.

Wrecker was right upon Jameson, and he raised his crowbar to strike. Spectra flew in, and grabbed the crowbar from his hands, before spinning around, and whacking Wrecker in the head with it.

The whole thing took about 30 seconds.

Spectra landed and stopped a civilian on the street. "Call the S.H.I.E.L.D. hotline and tell them we need a cleanup crew outside the Daily Bugle, please."

She smiled and twirled the crowbar. "You ask me what makes me different from other heroes, Jonah." She tossed the crowbar into the air and caught it. "Well, have you ever seen Deadpool do that?"

Wade's jaw dropped.

Jameson laughed. "You're a charming young lady! And you just saved my life! What a hero. I'm J. Jonah Jameson, reporting live."

The program ended.

Wade, Peter, and Weasel were silent.

"What . . . was that?" Peter finally choked.

"She just took on the Wrecking Crew . . ." Weasel said.

"Without help," Wade finished.

"She took his crowbar," Peter said.

"Yeah," Wade said.

"She hit him with his own crowbar."

"Yeah."

"But . . . Luke did that first."

"Yeah."

"She made Jameson laugh."

"Twice."

Peter's phone rang, and he answered. "Hello? Yes, Mary Jane, I saw it. No, I don't think it's funny! I think it's disgraceful. No, I've never made him laugh . . . so, what? I could to stop the Wrecking Crew if I wanted! I could to lift the crowbar!" He listened to something she said. "Dry cleaning?" He lowered his voice and turned away from the guys. "I haven't picked it up yet. Because I came straight over to Wades . . . I promise I'll pick it up before six. Yeah, I have the receipt. Okay. Okay. I won't. Love you too. Bye."

He turned back to the guys, who were starring.

"What?" Demanded Peter.

Weasel shook his head, disgusted. "Whipped."


End file.
